Lately I have found myself biting back tears and praying for wisdom as I work with my daughter on obedience and respect. These battles leave me tired and stretched and yearning for some chocolate chip cookie dough and a bottle of coca cola classic.
One battle area for us has been over her having to wear her eye patch. Seems the novelty has faded and she really doesn’t like wearing it. I have told her that while I understand that and I know it stinks, no amount of kicking and screaming is going to make it untrue. And yet she tests me. Finally, about a week ago, I sent another of my SOS e-mails to my wonderful husband telling him, I was quite tired of this daily battle and I needed help. He offered to take over the battle for me. So each day before he leaves for work he has her get her patch and he puts in on her.
There hasn’t been a single fight over the patch since he took it over.
Until yesterday when somehow in the crazy morning rush, the patch didn’t get put on before he left. When I had her get it for me, the battle resumed. After much kicking and screaming, the patch was on and she was sent to her room where she proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs for a good 5 minutes while I sat outside her door praying. When she came out we talked about her behavior and I asked her why it is that when Daddy puts her patch on she doesn’t scream but with me she argues and screams.
Her response?
“Well, I don’t get to spend as much time with Daddy as I do with you and I don’t want to waste that time screaming.”
I was shocked.
It was brutally honest and in a sorta twisted way, kinda sweet.
I then told her that even though she sees me more, she can’t treat me meanly and disrespectfully. I explained that it wasn’t fair to me and it hurt my feelings.
My daughter and I have had some great heart to hearts lately as we have discussed again and again respect, self control, anger, patience, and not getting your way… Some days by God’s grace, I have had the patience to wait out the storms and talk through the heart issues. Some days I have relied on my own strength and snapped or yelled in frustration and exhaustion. Both days I rely on God’s grace as I seek to parent my children. I love my daughter. I admire her compassion, her competitive drive, her hard work ethic, her easy going attitude and even her strong will. I just pray that God would enable us to shape that will into one that glorifies Him with her life, and not break that will in the process.
I am in tears. This is exactly where I am right now too, my prayers, my hope, my struggles. I couldn't believe her response - I never thought it might be that, I always thought it was because they spent so much time with mommy that there was so way we could be consistant ALL the time, and they know what buttons to push and how to wear us down. I like her answer (sorta:)
ReplyDeleteI've discovered that mothering isn't only about getting everything right. She knows she's loved and that's beautiful!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great work with this girl. I can see from her response that she's really smart and it seems really desafiant to educate. I pray God give you his wisdom.
ReplyDeleteHow very articulate of her to express herself so well. You're doing a good job! I know that the days are so hard and long as we're mothering our children. God will honor the discipline and work you're pouring into her sweet heart.
ReplyDeleteI have been struggling with this with my girl. I have in the past for my own sanity relied on the fact that I could resort to getting my husband to deal with just about all her disrespect to me. but I saw it becoming a pattern "I don't have to obey until Daddy tells me to." I admit that I lose my temper more than I should because of how hurt it makes me when I am totally ignored and disrespected.
ReplyDeleteWell done! Great story!
ReplyDeleteAw, I'm so sorry you're in one of those mothering trenches that just bring you to your knees in frusteration. You're heart is good, your intentions pure, and the joy of the Lord is your strength. Seek Him as your refuge and help and surely he will meet you in the midst of it all, in that place where your tears and hers fall and He'll be there to guide you, comfort you, and teach you both.
ReplyDeleteWow! How can such wisdom and such immaturity come out of the same mouth in less than a couple of minutes?
ReplyDeleteHave you ever read Kindergarten Pirate? I don't remember who it's by but it is about a little girl who has to wear an eye patch and how she deals with it. It's kind of unique!
Wow! I love the honesty of her response- thanks for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you Know what it is to scream all day Love ya
ReplyDelete